code of silence


A code of silence is a condition in effect when a person opts to withhold what is believed to be vital or important information voluntarily or involuntarily. The code of silence is usually either kept because of threat of force, or danger to oneself, or being branded as a traitor or an outcast within the unit (or family).

The 4 rules(codes) in dysfunctional/abusive families:
1. rule of rigidity

2. rule of silence

3. rule of denial

4. rule of isolation

Back in 2013, I wrote a post about my mental health, titled Fighting for my mental health. You can find it in the May 2013 archives.

The day it was posted, my family flipped the fuck out when they read it. Siblings must’ve called my mom up and read it to her, because mom called me. I was on my way to my dear friend Erica’s wedding reception. I didn’t hear my phone ringing in the car, so she ended up leaving me a pretty nasty voice mail. She was supposed to come visit me with a sibling for Mother’s Day, and canceled because of the post.

I was very general in the post, and I didn’t name names. I could’ve put everyone’s shit on blast, but I didn’t.

I even asked people, outside of my family, to read it and give me their opinions.

The only people who thought it was upsetting or rude was my immediate family.

And why were they upset?

I broke the code of silence.

Over the years, my family has created this whole persona of me. Like what they want me to be-but the truth is, they don’t even know me.

They claim I have “made up memories”, which has already proven to be bullshit. Everything that I ever said was a memory, my mom confessed to Jim( on separate occasions)! Not to mention the fact that I have friends from back in the day who can back me up.

They claim that I am “dramatic and selfish”. Anyone who knows the real me, knows I am selfless. I do love drama, as long as it’s not my own. But do I create drama? I guess they can claim I am, by writing about this stuff.

But I live my life by the truth! I refuse to censor myself or my blog to make others feel comfortable.

I will no longer hide anything. No matter how ugly it is.

I used to be the family scapegoat. Those days are over.

No more.



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