Here’s my first installment of the Dear Sibling posts, there’s no real order to them, I’m just writing it as it flows up and out:
You only seem interested in me if I am pregnant or trying to conceive. You gave me many of the things I needed for Grace yet you failed to support me after her death. You faked a miscarriage! That is really sick-guess you just needed the attention huh?
Your husband still has a thing for me. I know you want to be blind to it, but when we reconciled in summer of 2012, he touched my foot the moment I sat down next to him at your house. Jim can’t fucking stand the way he looked at me, and was going to have words with him about it. Thank goodness that won’t be necessary now!
Aaaah but the worst thing you guys did to me was use your child as a weapon against me. which is why you did it! You two decided it was cool and fun to make all these little jabs at me, because you were so fucking pissed that your man wanted me. You even confirmed it on the phone that one time! And when I stood up for myself and said I’m no longer taking his shit, you cut me out!
But then dad got sick, and you started to feel guilty…so you decided to make amends, for his sake ( again, summer of 2012). I was in my second trimester with Grace, I was vulnerable. I didn’t recognize you at first-you were insulted- and called yourself fat.
It felt so wrong…it was like you wanted to pretend like everything was cool…again. I wore my heart on my sleeve, like always. We bonded a little, over Grace, and dad. You invited me to your house to spend the night, and I shouldn’t have gone. I didn’t want to go, but once again, you acted insulted, so I guess I felt obligated.
I had a pretty good time with you, and I was feeling like maybe I could relax, until he tickled my foot. Right in front of you! You did nothing. UGH IT WAS SO CREEPY AND GROSS!!! After all that time, he still thought it was okay to do whatever he wanted to me. (I just vomited a little) I spent the rest of the visit wishing I could leave, wishing I could be safe with Jim, and away from the sickness of the situation.
So I invited you to my wedding, because hey, we’re family and everything. It was nice to have you there, taking photos with your phone…except, hmmm, you never gave me copies or even let me view them. Photos of my wedding! WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT??? IT’S WEIRD RIGHT????
Remember all that controversy you brought down on me about photos on my Facebook page? (2010) First, I was told to get my own camera and take my own photos, so I did. Then I was threatened with legal action of I didn’t take down said photos, so I hid them for a bit. But I never took them down, and I never will. They are my property.
I’m sure I’ll never again see the photos I so graciously donated for dad’s memorial, despite the fact that they’re mine. Not everyone has the means to buy scanners; my pics are sacred to me. And if you wanted me to help more with photos, you should’ve asked! That’s what normal people do: they communicate!
Now that dad’s gone, I guess you’re done pretending. I don’t even know why you rejected me-I didn’t do anything to you.