it’s finally time

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I cannot believe that I am disabled at age 35. Or that Jim was at like 20 or so.

I mean, I understand why. But when one thinks about one being disabled, one may imagine that “label” applying to an older person.

It’s just not what I expected in life ! At all. I used to bust my ass in the salon, working 10 hour shifts, and then go out and party at night.

Now I can barely stand up long enough to do one haircut.

I don’t go out partying ; I haven’t been to my favorite club in 5 years.

I’ve always felt independent and free spirited. Now I am dependent and not so free to do what I like, let alone what I want my body to do.

I have recently been diagnosed with an auto immune disease called Sjogren’s Sndrome. Some of the side effects I have include: dry mouth, joint pain, memory loss,peripheral neuropathy, fatigue, and heartburn.

I have arthritis and fibromyalgia.

I have no cartilage in my left knee. I need knee replacement surgery, and I have been refused by 2 different medical facilities. I currently walk with a cane.

However, I am getting a brace that allegedly mimics the surgery. It could give me a great deal of pain relief.

I am a neat freak with OCD. I like to keep our apartment super clean.

I am really starting to struggle with getting the basics done around here. I get tired so easily, and it hurts a lot.

Jim has been telling me, since we got married, that he qualifies for assistance with housework through one of the programs he’s part of. I have resisted for a long time because I’m weird about strangers in my house.( and because I’m a bit of a control freak)

It’s finally time for me to get over it and get some help.

I admit it; I’m disabled, and I can’t do it all.

It’s going to be okay, right?!

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2 thoughts on “it’s finally time

  1. I wish I had the most comforting and life changing words of wisdom. I don’t, just know that I hope that you find ways to make this new reality work for you and those you love. I wish you strength and that indeed it will be okay or close enough.

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