memorial day weekend

As I sit here, all alone because Jim is ill and in bed, I feel lonely.

Don’t get me wrong-my marriage is amazing and I am fine on my own-but there’s a certain sadness that comes with being the mother of no living children.

I could get on the phone and talk to people, or even go hang out with someone nearby.

Honestly, I just want my babies. I’m supposed to be taking care of them for the rest of their lives!

It’s incredibly painful to go through all the baby stuff and to have to put your dead daughters’ clothes on a doll. Yes, we do that. We have to, because I have all this mothering in me and nowhere to direct it. I hold my doll and sing to her. It’s cathartic.

Sometimes I go on Facebook and try to connect with someone-insert joke here-and wind up feeling all alone.

It’s raining today-how fitting-maybe I should curl up and read.

I’ve got lots of little projects I could do around the house. I was doing stuff yesterday and I injured my left leg, so I should probably take it easy today.

Bleh.

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