capture your grief 2014 (part two)

I did a few Capture Your Grief posts on my Facebook page…

Last year it was fun but this year it felt like work. It started to really stress me out. So I said fuck it and quit.

I honestly have the hardest time coming up with blog posts. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this blog going.

Jim and I are seeing a therapist twice a month. It’s going pretty good so far.

Jim’s sister is pregnant again, and if she’s having a girl, she wants the 4 giant bags of clothes back that she gave me for Grace.

I guess it’s fine, I mean, what am I gonna do with them?

I’m supposed to lose over 50 pounds so I can get the knee replacement surgery I so badly need. But I can’t even walk 20 steps without excruciating pain. Meaning I can’t really exercise. The cartilage has worn away. My bones are literally rubbing together.

So I’ve been skipping meals, hoping that will help.

We are both having a really hard time. Some days we can’t even get out of bed. Suffering from chronic pain, missing Grace, debating suicide.  It could happen. There would be no more pain, we would be together forever and be with Grace too.

Just a thought.





2 thoughts on “capture your grief 2014 (part two)

  1. Please hun don’t hurt yourself! I know what it feels to want to end your life. After Anthony I contemplated it three times. I had to work thru the feelings and find a silver lining in my grief. Getting out to shoot photography was my way of distracting myself from all the bad thoughts. Prayer, reading and meditation did as well. Please surround yourself with positive people, it really helps.
    I had the same issue with my weight as well. It was so easy for me to pack it on, but hard for it to melt off. I asked my doctor for a nutritionist and even went to a endocrinologist to help me with my weight. I still have a long ways to go.
    If you ever want to talk I am here. I wish I knew what to say to take your pain away. Sending hugs, prayers and love your way.

    1. thanks for the love. Jim and I both have horrible chronic pain and a lot of health problems in general. It basically comes down to quality of life…if our chances of having a normal life are low, we know we have options. and yes, suicide is one of them. I know it’s controversial and will probably upset some people. if we have a rainbow baby, what kind of life can we honestly give them? if we have no chances of a good life, no chance of managing our pain, then what is the point of living?

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