new plan

This summer has been disappointing in more ways than one. We really wanted to move to Minneapolis when our lease ended this month but we were unable to find a new place in time. So we had to sign another 12 month lease here. Ugh. I hate this apartment! Grace died here and I want to move. I hate this town! It literally smells like shit here cause of all the surrounding farms. It’s fucking gross. There is nothing to do here. We get cabin fever a lot and we definitely don’t get out as much as we would like.

My relationship with the inlaws is strained at best….

I  miss my friends and none of them have come to visit me since I moved here. I don’t blame them; I’m 80 to 100 miles away, depending. Still, it would be nice if they could make the effort.

After much discussion we have come up with a new plan. We are going to move to the cities next summer when the lease is up. Then we are going to give ourselves a year to adjust and enjoy our new place. So we probably won’t even be trying to get pregnant until 2016.

How do I feel about this?? Ummm….I hate this plan. No I like this plan. I need a new baby now. No, I can wait. Ugh…..

Every time I see a baby it just hurts me so much. I can’t deal. Friends and family are expecting and I can’t help but feel jealous and resentful.

At this moment I just feel like……FML.


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