saying goodbye to dad & a very early miscarriage

So Jim and I have been trying to conceive a rainbow baby since November. Turns out we did in fact conceive! I knew I was pregnant because I was very tired, nauseous, hungry and I didn’t have a huge breakout on my chin(like I always do when I get my period). I just wanted to wait until April 30th to take a test because sometimes my cycles can go for 40 days…

On the 18th, I started what I thought was my period. But I knew I was miscarrying because I passed a chunk of tissue that did not look like anything I had seen before during a normal period. As the days went on, I was spotting and I would get these stabbing pains that felt like labor contractions. So I finally went to the ER after Web MD-ing my symptoms. (the first thing that popped up was miscarriage)

At the ER they did some blood tests. I had both kinds of sonograms and it was confirmed that I had been pregnant. My guess is  I was about 2-3 weeks along.

I have lost babies in every way you can: I had an abortion when I was 18, then of course Grace, and now baby Neau #2.  😥

Right after finding this out, it was time to go to the cities to say goodbye to dad. He never wanted a funeral or a memorial; he wanted people to party and remember his life before cancer. My sister hosted a bbq with a keg at her in laws.

We actually had a pretty good time! We saw good friends and family, and I got to see some peeps I hadn’t seen in years.

When it got dark, we blew up balloons with helium and put glow sticks inside. Then we all wrote messages to dad on them, went outside, and released them into the sky. It was a beautiful, emotional time and I’m glad I got to be surrounded by so many loved ones because I was balling my eyes out.

I wrote: Dad, you are the best dad a girl can ask for! I will never ever forget you; I will carry you in my heart just like I do Grace. I take comfort in the idea that you are healthy and happy, carrying Grace in your arms and taking care of her. Someday we will all be together with our loved ones who have passed. I’ll see you on the other side ❤ Love always, Sara

 

 

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