ttc and the death of my dad


Last Tuesday morning my mom called to tell me that my dad’s health had taken a turn for the worse. He’s been battling a brain tumor(Glioblastoma) since May 2012. She said she thought he was on his way out. I told her I could drive up the following day. 5 hours later he was gone. He slipped away quietly after his 2nd dose of morphine. He died and I never got to say goodbye.

We spent the next day with my mom and I did some cleaning for her. She seems to be doing okay. She says she feels like he is still with her. He was upset on Valentine’s Day (also their anniversary) because he couldn’t go out and buy her roses. 2 days after he died, she went to her bank and was randomly given roses. The bank employee told her they were from my dad.

He wasn’t my biological father but he’s the only man I’ve called dad. He married my mother 20 years ago, and he loved me like I was his own.

I think I’m still in shock; I feel numb. It’s surreal. I’m never going to see him again. He won’t be coming over to fix my broken stuff, or have dinner with us. He’s gone. I am father-less again.

I honestly thought I would lose my dad before I would lose my child.

Jim and I have been trying to conceive since November, with no luck.

It’s been 15 months since Grace died.

Jim and I want to have another baby so badly…






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