my motherhood

I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping up with this blog as much as I used to. I have been so unsure of what to write about these last few months. I guess I am just struggling to come up with topics.

Things with my family are pretty good. My mom moved into her own place and I was surprised to see she framed Grace’s footprints and has them hanging on her wall, with her name and date!

Some of you may or may not know we were consulting with a law firm for about six months, only to find out there just isn’t enough evidence to sue the Mayo Clinic for wrongful death.  It’s quite unfortunate that they claim to not have a copy of the bedside sonogram they performed on me the last day that  Grace was alive. It would’ve been sweet to get rich from the assholes that killed our baby (in our minds, at least, and my mother’s).

Jim’s parents have an interesting theory that Grace died to save my life. That had she had lived, I would’ve died during childbirth. She did turn on her own, right before I was scheduled to have a c-section, after being breech for months. Since she turned, I was to go into labor on my own. It’s hard for me to fathom that she died to save my life when I would trade mine for hers in a heartbeat. That’s the very definition of motherhood isn’t it?

We only went to the Compassionate Friends meeting once. We don’t have a car and the inlaws let us use theirs, but sometimes it just isn’t available. We’d really like to go again.

I was just thinking the other day about how when Grace died, I was shocked that life went on all around us. Because when your baby dies, time stands still. But now I feel as though this year has flown by! Grace’s first birthday is a mere 6ish weeks away.

We’ll see how the holidays go. This is my favorite time of year. I’m hoping that doesn’t change.


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