It seems to be getting harder and harder for me to write posts lately…not really sure why.
We’ve been home from the Dells for a week now. 2 days after we got home, I got really sick and am just starting to feel better today. I have a sinus infection, the third one this summer.
We had a good time on vacation. It was very hot, and I did get sunburned a little bit. Turns out the Wisconsin Dells is quite the tourist trap; everything is expensive, and to be honest, kind of lame. I didn’t go to a water park because no one else wanted to go, but there’s always next year. The cottage we stayed in was bigger than our apartment; we took the master bedroom, which had it’s own bathroom with a tub. It had central AC and cable, I’m glad I brought DVDS cause we ended up watching most of them. The place is called Christmas Lake Village, it’s huge, there’s a clubhouse,a restaurant/bar, 3 separate pools, and two hot tubs. They are open during winter as well and are equipped for skiing.
We went to the Ripley’s Believe It Or Not museum, it was pretty cool! Kind of creepy too, I took a bunch of pics. We went to the Ho Chunk casino, ate at the buffet and lost a little money. We ate at Famous Dave’s twice, I had never been there before. Talk about amazing ribs! So yummy.
So I have been thinking about drinking for a while now, I talked to Jim about it and told him maybe I would try it during our vacation. I just wanted to see if what they say is true: when you relapse, you go right back to where you were. We got a bottle of whiskey and shared it. We enjoyed it, laughing and feeling silly. The next day I had an awful headache. But did I start back up, drinking all day? Nope. I wonder if I am the exception to the rule, or if the rule is bullshit. Or maybe I’m not a true alcoholic? Who knows….
I found myself missing Grace a lot while we were there; I had pictured our vacation very differently. She was supposed to be there, nearly nine months old. I was going to take her to the pool, slathered in sunscreen. I was going to hold her and love her and bathe her….
And now I feel so guilty because I forgot the 30th . She was born on 12/30, and each month on the 30th, I think of her and light candles in her room. And in August I forgot. Probably because that was the day we drove home, and I had a million things to think about that day.
Jim talks about her all the time; I know how lucky I am to have him. Some baby loss moms don’t have a supportive partner, and they have to grieve alone. So I feel very blessed that I have a great husband.
We still don’t know when we will both feel ready to try again. Only time will tell I guess.