neighbor

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There is a young girl who lives above me. I’m pretty sure she lives with her mom, and there is also a beautiful baby that lives there. I don’t know if the baby is the young girl’s daughter but they do look a lot alike. I never see the older woman with the baby so that’s why I’m assuming.

Sometimes they sit outside while the girl smokes and the baby plays.

I can see them through my window.

Sometimes I run into them outside or in the hallway.

The little girl saw me tonight and smiled, she was very friendly.

And it damn near broke my heart.

It’s like I die a little inside every time I see them together.

So carefree in the sun, laughing and smiling.

How fucking jealous it makes me, how I would give anything to be her in that moment.

I’m sorry neighbor, for staring and giving off awkward vibes.

If you only knew my daughter died inside of me just 5 months ago, maybe you would understand why you see me do weird shit sometimes, like pace around outside or run into my apartment when I see you coming.

How I wish you didn’t smoke around your baby, it is so bad for her.

I quit smoking when I found out I was pregnant, but now that Grace is dead, I’ve been smoking again. Jim doesn’t like it but he knows it is helping me cope.

I’m sorry neighbor, that seeing you with her brings tears to my eyes and makes me want to move.

I’m sorry, I wish I could be more friendly.

If you only knew…

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2 thoughts on “neighbor

  1. Maybe, one day, you will have a window of opportunity to share with her that you are Grace’s mother?

    As for you smoking…whatever gets you through. No judgement here.

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