A million nevers

Well it’s Sunday folks and it’s raining. I woke up with a heartache and cried to Jim, saying how much I wish I could go back to being pregnant with Grace. How I wish I could somehow save her life! So she could be here today, where she belongs, with us, happy, well fed and loved.

We will never see her crawl.

We will never see her walk.

We will never hear her cry, or smell her smell.

We will never kiss her boo boos.

We will never teach her how to read or tie her shoes.

We will never help her succeed.

We will never watch her fall in love.

We will never give her everything we didn’t have.

On the other hand:

We will never have to watch her get hurt.

Never have to see her fail.

Never hear her say she hates us.

I will never hear her call me a bitch or something worse.

Never have to worry about her being bullied.

Never have to worry about her being abused like we were.

Never have to sit up all night waiting for her to come home.

Never have to search for her when she goes missing.

I guess I find comfort in that.

She was loved from the moment I saw the positive test.

All she ever knew was love.

She was always warm, safe, and protected.

As a parent, that’s all I can really ask for.


2 thoughts on “A million nevers

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