For the longest time I said I didn’t want kids. I watched my own mother stumble through motherhood in a haze of substances. I won’t go into that because it’s not about her it’s about me. She wasn’t always like that. Unlike my younger siblings, I saw a side of mom that no one else… Read More never thought I would ever be a mom
Well it’s Sunday folks and it’s raining. I woke up with a heartache and cried to Jim, saying how much I wish I could go back to being pregnant with Grace. How I wish I could somehow save her life! So she could be here today, where she belongs, with us, happy, well fed and… Read More A million nevers
During my carpal tunnel surgery,I felt like Jesus on the cross, getting my palms sliced open. I was wide awake and draped so I couldn’t see anything. I practiced deep breathing and concentrated on thinking of Grace to avoid a panic attack. It worked but it was fucking creepy to be awake and feel blood… Read More am I crazy?
hey all. Just wanted to let everyone know I am having carpal tunnel surgery tomorrow and I will most likely be out of commission for six weeks. Depending on how I feel, I may blog here and there. Not really sure yet, don’t know what to expect. I had 4 panic attacks on Sunday, between… Read More update
Jim and I went to my friend’s house, the one couple I have referred to a few times in previous posts. I hadn’t seen them since right before I quit drinking. I missed them so much and didn’t realize how important they were to me until they were gone. Little did I know my friend… Read More I saw Grace last night
“An Angel in the book of life wrote down my baby’s birth, and whispered as she closed the book, ‘too beautiful for Earth.’” ~Author unknown I guess Grace is an angel now. I’m new to the idea of God so I am not sure how I feel about the idea of angels and such. All… Read More family
Dear Grace, 1/04/13 Oh my sweet baby girl, momma misses you so much! My heart hurts for you, my arms ache for you and my breasts are leaking milk for you. I am so sorry we lost you. It’s so unfair that we never got to be together. I wanted you for so long, ever… Read More letters to Grace